In less than 6 months I will be 25.
To most, it’s not really that big of a deal. To me, it has been terrifying.
I’ve been in what you may call a “quarter life crisis” for about the last 9 months. The realization that I would seen be 25 has brought more terror and anxiety than what I could have imagined.
I felt as if I haven’t accomplished anything worthwhile, as if I have just been wasting my life away.
I got caught in a web of unrealistic expectations and felt as if I had just failed in life.
It may also may be because I took a massive risk and felt as if I had failed at it. It then lead me to feeling absolutely frozen and stuck for a good year and a half.
I moved to Australia in January of 2011. All I had was my two bags of luggage and a one way ticket to Sydney.
I hardly knew a soul but off I went. Off to pursue one of the biggest dreams of my life.
What you may not know is that Australia has captured my heart for as long as I could remember. All I wanted in life was to go to Australia.
I was 15 the first time I went. Those 20 days genuinely changed my life. We only spent two days in Sydney but it had won my heart. We traveled all up the east coast to Cairns. Sleeping in the rainforest, chasing kangaroos, going to a crocodile farm, living with locals, wandering around new cities every other day, living on a cattle station in the outback and snorkeling the great barrier reef just did not compare to being in Sydney. From the day we got back to the States, all I wanted was to go back to Sydney. It haunted me for 7 long years.
Then 2011 came along and I finally boarded the plane to the land my heart longed for.
I had all these cray expectations and dreams as to what kind of life i would lead and the people I would meet. Yet, my high expectations got the best of me and my experience was nothing like what I imagined it to be.
Yes, of course, I met some of the most amazing people I have yet encountered and had some amazing times but the way the way it all ended just crushed me. I came back home broke in more ways than one.
Little by little, I’ve built myself back up again but I couldn’t help but see myself as a failure. Then I saw my friends start to live their lives and travel, get married, move and so on.
And there I was.
You know, i always imagined that by the time I was 25 I would have life somewhat figured out. I would have my career set, I would be traveling the world and have myself established. But I have come to see that its not entirely true.
Finally after almost two years of being back from Australia, I’ve finally got some sort of direction to my life and I’m starting to get things done.
Step by step I’m slowly but surely making my way towards where I feel I’m supposed to be headed. I finally feel as if I have a sense of purpose and I’m getting things done.
Hope has filled my heart and I’m getting a move on.
So that leads me to this blog(sorry for the long detour). This is one of the things on my list that I have wanted to do for some time and I have just put it aside.
This will be my journey. I’m not sure at all as to what it will all look like, but that’s the beauty in life.
So here we go…