I’ve survived my first month in Nashville!!!
Time has already flown by so fast. I can’t believe a month ago I drove into Nashville without really a clue as to what would happen or even if this would all work. And now, I sit here, I still don’t know what’s to come but so far it’s all working out in some crazy manner.
The biggest challenge I’ve faced has to be the struggle with wanting to have clarity on what to do with my life. It’s been like a wrestling match, day after day. Wrestling myself to get all my $#!+ together and figure what it is that I am supposed to do in this life.
I have also come to realize how impatient I truly am. I have been wanting to know answers and get the answer right now. I want things to happen and have then happen already. I am so use to continually running that I find it difficult to just sit and be. I see roommates sit and read a book for a while. At first, I kept thinking to myself that it looked like such a waste of time. To just sit there and read. I couldn’t remember the last time I just sat still and read a book.
Today, I work in a few hours and I was planning to go run around doing whatever errands I could think of yet, I just needed to pause. Before I continue to bust my tail to somehow make myself feel as if I am “getting ahead”, I just need to stop.
Yesterday at church, the pastor was speaking of trusting God. He then mentioned this story about Mother Teresa.
“When John Kavanaugh, the notes and famous ethicist, went to Calcutta, he was
seeking Mother Teresa … and more. He went for three months to work at “the
house of the dying” to find out how best he could spend the rest of his life.
When he met Mother Teresa, he asked her to pray for him. “What do you want
me to pray for?” she replied. He then uttered the request he had carried
thousands of mile: “Clarity. Pray that I have clarity.”
“No,” Mother Teresa answered, “I will not do that.” When he asked her why, she
said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When
Kavanaugh said that she always seemed to have clarity, the very kind of clarity
he was looking for, Mother Teresa laughed and said: “I have never had clarity;
what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
I don’t know of you’ve ever experienced what it feels like to have someone verbally slap you in the face, but that was one of those moments.
For so long, I have fought to just get some clarity. To figure out what it is I am supposed to do with my life. To have it all mapped out. It’s like fighting with the wind. Constantly exerting energy without really achieving anything but being left exhausted at the end of the day.
At this point, I just need to learn how to let go of clarity. To release the continual desire to know.
I mean, look at what Mother Teresa did with her life by simply trusting God.
And so here I am, one month into this new journey learning to just shut up, sit still and be. It’s much more easier said than done and not what I was expecting but this is it.
Overall, though, I must say that I love this city and I am so glad that I chose to move out here. I cannot wait for spring to come so that I can do more stuff outdoors. I do complain about the cold a lot but I do have to be thankful that I now live in a place that actually has all four seasons. I do love me some Nashville!
I’m excited and expectant for whats ahead. I know that it will all work out, like it always does, and it will be quite the adventure to tell.
As of now, I thank you for taking time to read all of this and I do hope that you are enjoying the moment that you are in wherever this crazy life may have you.
Cheers to letting go…